Last year I did a cleanse during which I eliminated a bunch of things from my diet for a couple of weeks but still ate solid food. It was a pretty painful experience. I mean, literally painful. My body felt wrecked for a few days. Most of the meals were meh. I was following a prescribed meal plan concocted by some quack I'm sure. Just kidding. It was a cleanse published in Whole Living magazine. Look it up, I don't feel like it.
Because I am a glutton for pain, I decided to do a juice cleanse this year. That's not true. I did it because I was feeling like a total mess. I was having a hard time buttoning my pants. My kid told me my gut looked like a walrus. That, my friends, is the honest truth. I felt gross and undisciplined. I'm totally undisciplined; the gross part depends on your feelings about walruses. I know those aren't good reasons to do a cleanse, but that's what pushed me. I also like to fancy myself someone who can do without. Who doesn't easily given in when there's discomfort involved. Even though I'm a lazy ass, I do like a challenge.
In general, I have never been the type of person who cares much about body / weight / appearance issues. I eat what I want. I don't exercise. And I'm happy. Until I wasn't. I felt like I had to do something to reign it in before I got to a point that would make it even more difficult to do so. Especially considering that I'm no spring chicken and that I have a family history of high blood pressure and diabetes. I don't want to equate food addictions with other types of addictions, but I can see how hard it is for people to give up something that provides comfort, that is central to your day and to your mood. Man, I love food. LOVE IT! I think about it often. Mid-day, I'm already thinking about dinner. I am not at all lady-like about my eating portions or habits. I'll eat to the point of being disgustingly full. I chalk it up to (a) being able to eat anything I want now as an adult when I couldn't do so as a child; and (b) plain old gluttony. I sound like a really terrible person right? Watch you plate, dude.
I decided it would be a good time to do the cleanse once I was done with work for the semester. I would have entire days to myself to wallow in my misery. The process of selecting a cleanse was pretty easy. I decided to do the Life Juice cleanse because the company was founded by a friend from college whose judgement I trust. I'm not familiar with what the process is like with other cleanses, but Life Juice recommends a pre-cleanse diet to be started a few days before the actual juice cleanse. So three days prior to starting the juices I eliminated all the joys in life from my diet cold turkey. Here they are in order of most difficult to easiest to give up:
1. caffeine
2. sugar
3. meat
4. wheat / gluten
5. dairy
6. eggs, peanut / peanut butter
7. alcohol
8. processed foods
9. condiments / processed cooking oils
The last three weren't difficult at all since those aren't really part of my regular diet anyway. For three days my diet consisted of:
Breakfast: gluten-free oatmeal with fruit and chamomile tea for breakfast. Twice I made smoothies with coconut milk. The last time I had oatmeal three or more days in a row was the summer after first grade when I went to visit my abuela in Mexico. She didn't suffer fools, or anyone really, so it was oatmeal or hunger. Perhaps this is where my lack of appreciation for oatmeal stems from.
Lunch: a fruit / vegetable juice and a vegan / gluten-free / fun-free soup from our neighborhood health food store. I had three different juices and two different soups in the course of three days, and they were all delicious.
Monday's lunch: beet, celery, carrots, apples and lemon juice; Moroccan tomato soup (I think this had tomato paste in it which I'm pretty sure has sugar).
Dinner: Monday was quinoa and brussel sprouts. I like quinoa well enough. I like brussel sprouts. But alone, together, they are not a match made in heaven. The next night I had pasta (pretty sure it wasn't gluten free) with tomatoes, chard and shitake mushrooms. Night three was dinner at the a vegan place in our 'hood. Most of their dishes include deep-fried TVP, tempeh or tofu. That's my kind of vegan, yo! I did not partake in the deep-fried goodness, but I forgot to ask for a gluten-free alternative so I'm pretty sure my noodles probably were glutenous.
Snacks: fresh fruit, raw almonds, dried figs, frozen pineapple, hummus and carrots.
By the third day of the pre-cleanse I had the bad headache that comes from lack of coffee and sugar. I felt lethargic, like I was in a fog. I was dreading the three days of nothing but juice. I couldn't imagine not being hungry and miserable, but the juices arrived nice and cold via Fed Ex on Tuesday and were taking up a good amount of space in the fridge so it was go time.
Army of juices, lined up in their drinking order 'cause I'm like that.
Each day started with a water, lemon and Himalayan sea salt drink (solé). I drank it cold though I think there was a recommendation to warm it up if desired. (kid Emiliano does not like this drink.) The kid just hijacked my post and wrote his review in parentheses. He tried all the drinks and ranked the evening Spiced Almond Drink as his favorite. Water, salt and lemon are intended to be tasty, but I like lemony water and it was pretty refreshing. Like a lemonade without the sugar. There is a total of six drinks for each day of the cleanse, and on the first day I tried to space my drinks out fairly evenly between 7a.m. and 7p.m., but that wasn't the best approach because I found myself sipping for long periods of time and not chugging as I anticipated.
The four raw cold pressed fruit / vegetable juices are great. Positive Balance is sweetened with apple, but not overly sweet and a nice follow up to the solé. Oh My Greens has a rich, sweet and earthy flavor (there are two of these each day). Bodacious Bunny is by far the sweetest as it's heavy on the carrot and apple. I did find that by the second Oh My Greens (the second to last drink of the day), after three other sweet juices, I felt sweetened out. Of course, just as with my plates of food I was approaching it as must drink all of these when I should've just been drinking what I needed. I didn't finish the second Oh My Greens. Got a nice massage the first day of the cleanse and came home to the Spiced Almond Drink before bed. I heated it up, and I have to agree with the kid. Yummy! It's spiced with raw honey, clove, cinnamon and nutmeg. I added about half teaspoon of honey to this when it was warming.
I felt some hunger on the first day, but the juices really were filling. Each bottle contains 16oz., and with the exception of the second Oh My Greens of the day, I drank all of them. I felt lethargic the first couple of day of the cleanse. I found that I'd start to get really sleepy in the early afternoon. I also felt a sensitivity to light but that could have had other causes. I drank water with and in between juices as well as non-caffeinated tea (chamomile) once a day. By the third day I was feeling more energized and alert. I found that the juices were filling, and I wasn't craving food. I mean, yeah, I had my occasional fantasies of pirouetting steaks and cups of coffee, but thinking about food wasn't consuming me. It felt really satisfying to drink that last almond milk on the third day and know that I got through three days without solid food and without losing my cool.
Life Juice has pre-cleanse tips that come with the juices (and are on their website) and these, I think, were super helpful in getting through the juice cleanse. I doubt I would have gotten through the juice cleanse if I had not started the pre-cleanse diet three days prior. I would also highly recommend doing a cleanse when you have a fair amount of down time away from work, family, etc. I know different people react differently to cleanses but I was kind of out of it for a good part of the day and would not have been able to function to my usual sixty percent if I had to go to work. Ha ha. No, seriously.
I admit that I did not ease back into solid foods as recommended in the post-cleanse information for Life Juice. The morning after my cleanse ended I had half a cup of coffee and about a third of a pesto, goat cheese omelet. However, pre-cleanse me would've destroyed that whole omelet so there's that. Since the cleanse ended I feel like I am more aware of not over-eating, of not having three huge meals a day, of eating less sugar. I also feel like my appetite has decreased. I don't find myself feeling especially hungry or thinking about food throughout the day. I would definitely do this cleanse again in the future. The drinks are tasty and filling, and I like that it provides a lot of supportive information to help prepare you for the cleanse, get you through it and transition back after.
